Friday, October 13, 2006

anybody else get frightened when

your spouse brings the gas can in to get the woodstove started? just curious...

how long does it take for eyebrows to grow back?

87 comments:

The Merry Widow said...

It depends on how bad the scarring is. A light blistering will take longer than a simple singeing. Major scarring though, it may not come back this side of Heaven. Be sure you the eyebrow to the original color.
Make sure it's not yours! Nancpop can carry it better than you can. Also, gentlely remove gas can from his hand before he attempts, like now!

tmw

The Merry Widow said...

I meant to say, match the eyebrow pencil to the original color!
Bwahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!
Why did i marry a man so practical he squeaked?

tmw

Brooke said...

Tell him to duck, and to extend his arm fully while lighting. I have it on authority that arm hair returns more quickly than eyebrows.

Farmer John said...

I prefer to start my fires with old BeeGee's records...

Burnin', burnin', Disco inferno...
Burn baby burn...

Farmer John said...

As for the eyebrows... I guess you could say...

That Depends...

;-)

nanc said...

i'm going to wal-mart to buy him one of those outdoor fireplaces and he can put all the gasoline he wants on it!

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Gasoline is a terrible woodstove ignition accelerant.

What Nancpop needs is some good ol' fashioned backyard napalm.

What you need:

1 five-gallon bucket
24 bars of Ivory soap
1 cheese grater
3 gallons of unleaded gasoline
1 Mason jar, with lid
6 pool chlorine tablets
2 eight ounce bottles of DOT 3 brake fluid
1 box of tenpenny nails

oh wait, that's my anti-personnel incendiary mine recipe. Scratch the Mason jar, the chlorine tabs, the brake fluid, and the nails.

Grate the 24 bars of soap until the bottom of the 5 gallon bucket is filled with soap shavings.

Slowly, and away from chain smoking maniacs, mix in the 3 gallons of gas, stirring slowly (wear a gasmask if necessary) until the mixture has a syrupy consistency.

Using a paintbrush, dab the mixture upon whatever you want to burn the hell out of.

Caution: Mixture is EXTREMELY volatile. Do not store near anything you would miss if it were incinerated.

nanc said...

that sounds very close to nancpop's recipe for moonshine...

Elmer's Brother said...

oh yeah well have you ever gone to take a leak after cutting fresh jalapenos? Welcome to my world.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Elbro,

OC Pepper Mace Spray can put down a raging kodiak bear, and is pretty damned good on a chicken sandwich.

Gayle said...

ROTFALMAO! Seriously, this comment thread is absolutely hysterical! I just about choked on my coffee reading this! Heh! My husband has done the fresh Jalapeno thingy... Do you know how hard it is not to laugh when your husband is running around holding his crotch and going "Oooooh! Oooooh! Oooooo! And no, I'm not a mean person. I did not laugh! LOL!

Do not let nancpop start wood fires in the house with gasoline, Nanc! Paper and kindling is much safer and there aren't any nasty fumes.

Oh, and thanks for your gracious comment on MRB! :)

nanc said...

elbro - try the habaneros next time - wooooooooeeeee - we nearly had to have my husband's upper lip removed when he cut one open and went to smell it and it grazed his lip - it was worse than terrible.

nanc said...

how about ham, beamish?

nanc said...

gayle - i cannot stop him - he's a live and learn kind of guy - come to think of it, aren't most guys?

it's always something at our house - "don't you dare test the depth of that new chop saw blade while it's plugged in!" "please don't tell me what to do!" hospital, six hours later, four stitches, $500 poorer...the list goes on...

nanc said...

oops! gayle - that should have been the great filet knife sharpening incident - sometimes i get the incidents mixed up!

Elmer's Brother said...

tell Tim the toolman to be careful nanc.

I love habaneros...ate one right out of the jar once...ONCE!

The Merry Widow said...

EB- My son wants to know if you've ever had "lizard eyes"?

tmw

Always On Watch said...

Last year, my husband decided to start the fire in the fireplace by using carburetor starting fluid. The second the match was tossed in, WHOOSH!. A huge flame shot out across the room and nearly incinerated the television.

I lost a lampshade on that one--holes all through the silk. Hubby lost some hair on his arm. Thank the Lord that his beard didn't catch fire!

Great story, Nanc!

kuhnkat said...

When they trained us to be guards at GITMO they ran us through a mil grade OC spray. For the next couple of days I had an interesting tase in my mouth that wasn't all that unpleasant with the food. (the food still isn't gourmet in the army but much better than in the past!!)

I kinda missed it when it finally went away!!

Of course, I'll take the Taser over the OC in my face any day. They told us that some of the people who eat the really hot jalapenos regularly as part of their diet hold up pretty well. I'll pass!!

I definitely prefer tear gas over OC also!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

kuhnkat said...

When they trained us to be guards at GITMO they ran us through a mil grade OC spray. For the next couple of days I had an interesting tase in my mouth that wasn't all that unpleasant with the food. (the food still isn't gourmet in the army but much better than in the past!!)

I kinda missed it when it finally went away!!

Of course, I'll take the Taser over the OC in my face any day. They told us that some of the people who eat the really hot jalapenos regularly as part of their diet hold up pretty well. I'll pass!!

I definitely prefer tear gas over OC also!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

nanc said...

you don't think it caused stuttering, do you, kuhnkat?

nanc said...

or perhaps caused you to be a tad overjoyous?

Elmer's Brother said...

he's got a nervous tick with the mouse?

what are lizard eyes tmw? is it contagious? is there a cure? Can I still have conjugal visits at the hospital?

nanc said...

this one is especially for you, elbro:

a few weeks ago when we went home for the weekend, on the way back my husband started scratching madly in his nether regions - i said, "what the's (we say this in place of bad words) wrong with you?"

he responded, "i think i have a tick - not just any old tick - i think it's a nervous tick!"

the kidz and i LOAO! it ended up being chiggers.

The Merry Widow said...

EB- Lizard eyes are olives with a bit of habanero in it! Our neighbor who grills all the time, feeds my son jalapenos and habaneros and lizard eyes! His wife is from Texas and can cook up a "MEAN" enchilada! They are soooo good! I used to eat jalopenos, but when I was pregnant with my son, I couldn't eat them anymore, he acquired the taste though!

tmw

Elmer's Brother said...

those sound really good tmw. I will have to try those...I enjoy spice foods and spice women.

nanc - chiggers? really?

Elmer's Brother said...

pretty small

the chiggers I mean

Elmer's Brother said...

The thing called a chigger,
is really no bigger,
than the smaller end of a pin,
but the bump that it raises,
just itches like blazes,
and that's where the rub sets in.
H.B. Hungerford
Entomologist

nanc said...

ohhhhhhhhhh, we know all about chiggers here in arkansas...

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Some distant relatives of mine down in Alabama have a habanero pepper farm. The only thing better than 5 drops of Louisiana hot sauce on a hamburger is 1 drop of habanero sauce.

BTW, sucking on a stick of butter will make most of the habanero burning in your mouth go away. I have no solution for the burning on the other end of the digestive tract when it comes out.

Anonymous said...

Mr BTIP perhaps Ducky has an answer.

Kelly said...

Okay, Nanc...

Here is my answer to this...

Certifiably Crazy

The Merry Widow said...

Mr.B.- Try applying a generous amount of petroleum jelly to the other end before sitting! :snort:
Don't you "guys" know anything? Or is it a macho thing?
Good morning, G*D bless and Maranatha!

tmw

Always On Watch said...

Dealing with chiggers is a misery! I've had three rip-roaring cases--one in Tennessee and two right here in Northern Virginia. Fingernail-polish remover was our method of treatment.

About burning off eyebrows...I got mine burned off in a fire when I was about 10 years old. My aunt started incinerating her trash (legal in those days), and the wind caught the sparks. Dad raced to move our tractor, but we couldn't move all the fuel tanks. All of us, ten people including myself, were out in the fields with our shovels--except for Mom; her heart condition forced her to stay in the house and keep calling the fire department. The fields went up quickly because we were in the dog days of August. Thank the Lord that the fields had been cut, so there was minimal dry stubble to burn. But we had to fight hard to keep the fire from taking down all of my uncle's little stand of woods. The cedar trees were dry and served as kindling. Also, the poison ivy was burning. Not good! So we all had on wet handkerchiefs as masks.

The fire department arrived when the fire was out. They couldn't find us! We lived in a quarter-mile long dirt driveway, so the address didn't mean much to them. The fire department could SEE the smoke billowing up, but couldn't find the road in.

I had a piano lesson scheduled for that day. When the teacher got to our house later, after the fire was out, he said, "What happened to your eyebrows?" None of us had noticed that my eyebrows were missing! They grew back fuller and longer in about two months.

nanc said...

beamish - we usually keep a small pepper garden and we buy the six packs of the kind we enjoy the most - this year, someone must have switched the tags on a couple of pepper plants because not one habanero in the entawr batch!

favorites serranos, habaneros, fresnos, jalapenos, chile, pablano, bells - we love peppers!

remove the stems AND seeds from four to six habaneros - put in blender with a bottle of seasoned rice vinegar with or without garlic - return it to bottle - the best and simplest sauce for all egg and/or cheese dishes.

my husband thinks it makes for a very nice exit - you men...

nanc said...

kelly - that was great! oh, the things my guys shoot out of the wrist rocket...

nanc said...

tmw - there's something about petroleum jelly in that area that scares the bijeebers out of most guys!

nanc said...

aow - i always say, "spray before you go out on your adventure!" they say, "stop treating us like babies." i say, "okay, go with G-d."

later that day...

"mommmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" "baaaaabe!"

"i tried - you're on your own!"

Steve Harkonnen said...

I've done that one before with a campfire. WHHHOOOOOF, there goes the eyebrows.

Warren said...

Fires and explosions!

LOL

I've had a few.

Once I was about 10, I told a kid how to make a bomb out of a CO2 refill for a air pistol and a box of kitchen matches.

I didn't really think he would do it.

He short fused it and blew out a hunk of his front door, he had to have the shrapnel removed from his right had and it took about twenty stitches to close the wounds up. I think he's still deaf in one ear!

I was working inside an older ford van with the engine cover and air cleaner off. I wasn't thinking about it at the time and I'd shoot a little ether, (starting fluid), try to start the engine then shoot a little more.

The thing back-fired through the carburetor and engulfed me in a huge fireball!

No eyebrows, no eyelashes, no hair that wasn't under my hat, the small amount of hair on my arms was gone. I was flash burnt everywhere skin was exposed but not a single blister was raised.

Where I work, there are piles of shoring timbers and cribbing blocks, parts in heavy boxes, stacks of metal along with shelving plus wooden and metal containers. Its a haven for all kinds of spiders, especially brown recluse spiders. We have found a pesticide that controls them, but we used to, "fireball", something if it hadn't been handled in a while.

You take a can of starting fluid and a fireplace lighter, light the lighter then spray the starting fluid through the flame, (DON"T TRY THIS). It makes a huge fireball that will go into the spaces that spiders crawl and hide in.

It burns their legs off. You may think I'm cruel for making octo-amputee spiders, but at least they aren't running up my pants leg.

I remember picking peppers that were so strong, as a kid, that my hands started burning and turned red and puffy. I found out that nitrogenation you garden soil will result in higher concentrations of oleo capsaicin, (OC, the hot stuff), in peppers.

OC is oil soluable, that's why drinking water doesn't help with the burning. Like cuz said, butter or margerine will work, so will swishing some cooking or olive oil around in your mouth. If you ingest too much OC you can have an attack of spastic colon that will take your mind off the burning.

The heat doesn't bother me but if I eat peppers that are too hot, I have a fit of hiccups that drives me nuts!

Elmer's Brother said...

we used to play a game called fireball. soak a tennis ball in lighter fluid, light it and play catch. I taught it to my 12 year old.

nanc said...

hmmmmm...i want to know who's the bright one who picks it up first...

Steve Harkonnen said...

Perhaps my biggest and most effective prank came from the use of 'snakes', those firework pellets you light up and they ooze out like snakes? Only thing is, I didn't even light them off. Realizing they look just like uranium fuel pellets, I stuck them into a bag. A buddy's mom worked at a lab and he got me some radiation stickers, so I stuck them on a bag and stuck the snakes in there. When I took the glad bag in full of those snakes, I told my science teacher that I got these from the Fermi plant last year on my tour there. He nearly crapped his pants nonetheless....

nanc said...

warren - i've been LMTO since i read your post, but we had supper on - this reminds me of when, at one of my jobs, i was KEEPER of the stun guns - yes, i am sufficiently trained - one night when one of the female investigators and i were working late, we wanted to see what a stun gun would do to spiders - we were inundated with black widows - welllllll, we found out as we'd already tried it on on a couple of other investigator friends who'd be leaning over into their unmarked cars - you could zap'em as you were running by - they couldn't take chase!

i digress - we went about the building stunning spiders and i'm sure they didn't suffer...

nanc said...

steve - beamish and you are going to get along quite nicely...

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Hmmmm. According to quantum theory, anything that could possibly happen does happen in an alternate reality. So it could well be that Steve is another time-traveling version of me if I ever come back in time and teach myself how to time travel. This is how I explain the eerie similarities between myself and Farmer John as well.

Elmer's Brother said...

Mr. Beamish - and here all along I had chalked it up to just inter breeding.

The Merry Widow said...

Scrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't take it at this hour of the morning! I'm trying to drink my coffee! Have you no shame? No pity? I'm traumatized for the rest of the day!
I'm meltinggggggggggggg......
Good morning, G*D bless(you guys need it) and Maranatha!

tmw

nanc said...

tmw - not only do we have no shame or pity - it appears we have no pride...oh boo...

The Merry Widow said...

Now that part I can relate too!
Cotton balls?

tmw

The Merry Widow said...

At 42 paces?

tmw

nanc said...

nyet! he has agreed to settle - men at his age tend to do that!

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Elmer's Brother,

Interbreeding explains why you're similar to alternate reality temporal duplicates of Nanc.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

But Nanc is an alternate reality version of TMW...

:P

Farmer John said...

And after all that trouble I had getting these King Kong balls, you tell me you need cotton balls. What am I supposed to do with these things?

nanc said...

that's why the badnanc...

nanc said...

farmer? stay right were you are - someone will be right over. that's a whollotta mountain oysters!

Farmer John said...

Hey, if your on a seefood diet, how come you're so skinny?

Farmer John said...

...ooops, wrong avatar. Now I know.

Farmer John said...

nanc,

I hate to tell you this, but it would appear that you've really let yourself go. Have you no self-refraint?

Somebody needs to lock you up in a barn and feed you nothing but hay for a while!

Farmer John said...

You've got to make hay while the sun still shines, I always say.

nanc said...

i feel much better now. self-refraint is not what i'm best known for.

nanc said...

someone forgot to water that fern - it was getting dry...

Farmer John said...

Put nancpop on the job. I'm sure he'll be happy to do it.

Farmer John said...

...although I'm not sure you put up hay and ferns in the same way.

Hmmmm....

nanc said...

he is the one the plants are NOT afraid of...

Farmer John said...

...then I'm sure they'll appreciate the proper attention.

Farmer John said...

...just tell him what Nietzsche said in Zarathustra...

'You are going to Women? Do not forget the whip!

Farmer John said...

...course it usually works best in the final furlongs.

Aye-yi-Yai...

Farmer John said...

I think I've chewed through this bit enough that I'd better reign up now before the horses get away.

Ciao. Don't forget to negotiate a good percentage for your own use w/beak.

Farmer John said...

What's the agent's % these days?

nanc said...

this one is pro bono. did i ever tell you i wanted to be an attorney when i grew up?

ciao!

Farmer John said...

An attorney? I'd have pegged you for a ballroom dancer.

...and thanks for handling the contract management. I hope you've learned a lot from warren in the art of printing finely.

nanc said...

i don't mince words, farmer.

Farmer John said...

Good. That way everyone gets their piece of the pie.

Elmer's Brother said...

just don't forget the macadamia nuts.

Mr. Beamish any and all resemblance to nanc is purely coincidental, it's neither stated or implied yada yada yada...did you see the fine print?

Elmer's Brother said...

I once kheard of a man with cotton balls. Johnson and Johnson was his name. Had dirty ears and wore nail polish.

Farmer John said...

...and he had black fingers from polishing warren's boots.

nanc said...

hmm...and all this time i thought warren was into suede...shows you what i know!

Elmer's Brother said...

what good is a man with cotton balls?

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

what good is a man with cotton balls?

He could keep two bottles of aspirin from rattling and the pills from shattering.

Elmer's Brother said...

aha!

nanc said...

maybe, just maybe the aspirins were put there to keep the two cotton balls separate?

Elmer's Brother said...

ask ducky but I think they were put there to keep your fingers out of the aspirin jar.

nanc said...

they're put there to keep us frustrated - until you've seen someone put a bottle in a vise, you have not seen desperation.

virocana said...

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superclosetnerd said...

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