For those of you who do not know what a porte cochere is, you will find out by the end of this post. Please, if you do not know, don’t be tempted to look it up; conversely, if you do know, please don’t spoil it for others. The porte cochere is not only a structure designed to keep you dry and in the shade while entering your home - the French had something entirely different in mind when they came up with this little gem. I’ll let you in on what it is a little later.
First a side story.
Our son informed me on our way to the new residence with the wonderful porte cochere that it is really a shame when people feel they must put words with music and that the words just ruin the music. All this while I was rocking out on Christian salsa artists “Salvador”! Shamed by his statement, I turned it down and we played a game of “I’ll say the name of a musical instrument and you tell me what type of music it is most commonly played to.” Oh joy! After about five minutes of that, I’d had enough and let him know it!
Sooooo, he began talking about how great it is to now have a house with a marvelous porte cochere. After about five minutes of that, I’d had enough and started blasting the salsa again! Awhile later when we were almost home to the house with the blessed porte cochere something so defining came across my mind and so much so that I could not shake the feeling and I’ll explain later…
But before that, another side story.
I don’t know about the rest of the women who may come to visit here, but my husband WILL NOT allow me to drive him ANYWHERE! He complains about female drivers incessantly and so much so that sometimes it hurts my feelings, but instead of disagreeing vehemently, I allow him his rant. I remind him that in 35+ years of driving, I’ve scraped the side of a vehicle on a phone pole pulling out of a tight spot (the pole’s fault), was rear ended by a speeding teen while backing out of a driveway in a school zone (the teen’s fault), have hit one deer and one rabbit (definitely their faults).
Okay, back to the story of the wonderful porte cochere.
As we approached our new weekly residence, I waved my schweetie and daughter on as I was stopping at a convenience store for ice and soda. All the while I was hoping my husband would just back up to the almighty porte cochere and I in turn would back up to it and we could simultaneously unload our rigs without getting in each other’s way - and - on first appearance pulling into the drive it looked as though that’s just what he had done - I was wrong…
The look on Evan’s face was enough to tell me something didn’t go quite right as she ran up to my rig with a worried look, chattering something like, “Pop said the EFF word - TWICE!” There was glass everywhere and the refrigerator in the back of the spanking new company truck looked like a wrinkled soda can and I had five ice chests full of cold and frozen food to put into it! How could he do this to me?
This is where the now hated porte cochere comes into play. It seems my other half tried to pull ALL THE WAY into the dreaded porte cochere with the fridge loaded up against the rear window of his pick-up (that’s what you call them after their first accident). No, really, really. Well, nix that idea! I knew immediately to not say a word and just put the ice on the beer. After awhile the silence was deafening, and as Evan kept mumbling to me about the “EFF” word and how pop had said it - TWICE - I could honestly not help myself and started cracking jokes about the “incident”.
Actually, I was backing up to the columns around the now not-so-handsome porte cochere, scratching my back while LMAO! When he’d had enough and we were sitting down to a cold one, he gently said to me with that look only we women know, “Babe, could we please not talk about this anymore? You’re in the birdcat (I corrected him to catbird) seat on this and you smirking isn’t helping.” And, I relented ONLY after demanding he take back what he’d been saying about female drivers! It was his turn to relent.
I believe these “incidents” occur to show us mercy for others as in none of us is exempt from making stupid moves. Well, except for me of course and I pointed this out to him. Why does he always nod and smile a lot at me?
Now, to top this story off. Mind you, I was five miles away from him when the “incident occurred, but apparently it was my fault. Or so he says. It appears I made a comment to him before we left and he said he couldn’t get it out of his mind and was distracted upon impact. Yeah, it was my $166.00 mistake and quite possibly a new fridge before too long.
The once powerful porte cochere has now become a carport with a dent in it. Those pesky French…
144 comments:
daggone... dagnabit....oh blasted...
I suggest you don't mention it again or he might go into a snit.
this is an addendum/rebuttal from mr. nanc or as i lovingly refer to him as "nancpop". he is a wonderful human being - he must be as we now share office space.
as we are only 15 feet away from each other and he is rather elusive, i received an e-mail from him today which stated in essence, "so, what are you doing after work?" i responded in kind, "i'm going home with the boss!"
here is nancpop's rebuttal verbatim:
"I'm not what you would call a French major. In fact, I've never studied French at all, except the kissing part whichI've spent countless, sleepless nights of tutoring and receiving tutor. You know, cramming for a course test?
In most languages, French included, if you disect the word and the text in which used, you can usually come very close to the true meaning of said word.
In this case, said words being "porte cochere".
We have one on our newly leased home. (whoopee says nanc)
After an incident last Sunday, including a fridge, a (spankin' new says nanc)four-wheel-drive and a "porte cochere", I began dwelling on the phrase for plus or minus one hundred and two hours.
I've concluded that "porte cochere" has several meanings:
Porte = DON'T Co = DRIVE chere = thru!
Porte = BUILT Co = TOO chere = low!
Por = LET te = ANOTHER Co = PERSON chere = PARK!
Porte = CAUTION Cochere = CAUTION!"
and now for a nanc commentary:
NO, you may not have your allowance, nancpop! still paying off the window...perhaps by labor day. now, stop playing on my friend's sympathy. go polish the hamster!
it's a good thing you know french and that your husband (whew) is so understanding
Nanc- Sometimes that sweetly understanding smile is true fuel on the fire! Hurts really bad, saying nothing can get them to self castigate somemore, they remember better and refrain from snide remarks in the future! It's hard to be snide when understanding spouse never said a word! hehehe, moral superiority can have it's rewards!
Glad to hear from you, missed Nancommentary and comments for last few days! When life hands you a lemon, buy a new fridge!
Good morning and G*D bless everyone!
tmw
Hee hee. Revenge can be sweet!
and a dish best served cold.......
Or at least have your oopsies where they can't see!
brooke - somebody's always watching...uuluuu uuluuu
HOLY MOLY NANC! I would have said the "eff" word about 20 times had that happened to me. Laying the refrigerator down on it's back might have worked better--but then you'd have to wait about 3-4 hours for all the freon (spelling?) to settle back down before plugging it up.
Ulysses Everett McGill: A woman is the most fiendish instrument of torture ever devised to bedevil the days of man.
Whats up Warren! I wasn't sure if you were a trucker or not, but considering the depth of your arsenal I should have figured it out. I used to drive a truck many years back, a D class though, but often into the states.I clearly remember my first trip over the border and my dismay and overall wish to strangle the border guard...lol.
Nothing changed and it was always the same miserable attitude.Worse than any police incident I ever had {of which their were very few...}
I can only imagine it now, trying to cross.
{Elijah}
{Elijah}
It would have been better to drive that truck right over that porty coacher. What, are your neighbors snobs?
Certainly nothing against the american border guards, coming back into canada was much worse..
which I found surprising considering I was returning.
No offense intended....
{elijah}
Nanc,
You still didn't explain WHY you made him do it.
I get the impression that he was going a bit fast in reverse. :o
Elijah,
That was Nanc's husband she was talking about, not me.
I'm more of a mechanic than anything else. I have a commercial drivers license but I don't drive for a living.
I carry a master mechanics rating and my specialty is the suspension and frames of large equipment and class A trucks, (tractors). I'm also a journeyman body man and painter, fabricator and welder and utility equipment technician.
I keep a commercial drivers license because, occasionally, I will deliver or pick up a piece of equipment to another State.
No,no,no,no,noooo! We don't need that complication! Our lives on this blog are weird enough without Warren and Nanc being married too! That would be too much, I'd go into a corner and pull an EB!
Good morning and G*D bless us with a beautiful day for going to HIS House!
tmw
I heard that
I liked your post nanc.
* w/beamish
In all things, moderation.
linkster - what i said to him was simply, "honey, did you notice that our new bedroom has a lock on the door."
it wasn't like i said, "here's two hundred bucks, hit the brothel!"
geez, you guys and your imaginations...
beamish - that would require monster truck tires. and i think the neighbors may be snobs.
no, russet - he was going just fast enough. well, according to man calculations.
thank you ben, you little sweetie.
warren - guess i should have paid you to deliver the refrigerator!
tmw - God bless you too. and warren and i ARE both married, just not to each other! we're both blessed with wonderful spouses. mine gives me plenty of material to work with! yeah!!
moderation with what mickey?
when the boss' wife found out, she said, "oh dear, was anybody wounded?" to which my male drivin' baby said, "only my pride..."
hey elijah - good to see you back!
Nanc,
I finally got around to reading this story. LOL.
Mind you, I was five miles away from him when the “incident occurred, but apparently it was my fault. Or so he says. It appears I made a comment to him before we left and he said he couldn’t get it out of his mind and was distracted upon impact.
I guess you haven't been married as long as I have--more on that later this week in my little anniversary posting. I learned that "truth" about distraction several years ago.
Great story!
Nanc- On the subject of who drives, I have been the designated driver twice in my marriage. The first time sweetheart had elbow surgery and I had to drive him everywhere! The second time was to and fro for chemo, no you don't want a man full of chemicals driving, he would have passed out over the causeway and gone into the drink! It was a riot, he accussed me of having a lead foot, this from a man who regularlly went 10+ mph over the speed limit!
tmw
aow - we are going into our seventeenth year together, but he swears he lusted after me far before that! as i'm eight years older, he always says he wishes i were one of his babysitters - to which i say, "i am."
tmw - we don't drive anywhere under the influence of anything stronger than coffee and/or aspirin. i got to drive him home after his vasectomy and that is the last time i remember driving him anywhere...my sister drove him to the hospital when he severed his thumb...he drove himself to the hospital (two blocks away) when he sliced his wrist open with a filet knife and had to have stitches and come to think of it - i almost never get to drive him anywhere...except...what's all this talk about nuthouses?
Nanc,
i think the neighbors may be snobs.
Bad neighbours heh?
P'haps you could invite them to a party?
Ask them if they like salsa or prefer rap.
linkster - i would if i liked people all that much.
Nanc,
he always says he wishes i were one of his babysitters - to which i say, "i am."
I know exactly what you mean.
it's a good thing it hasn't yet sunk in, aow - hehe!
AoW & Nanc- Ben was 10 yrs., 4 months and about12 days older! Never was his, drat, missed the fun!
tmw
Good morning and G*D bless, Tropical storm Alberto will pass north of us but drench us good! PTL!
go with God, tmw and be careful in this storm.
Nanc- Thank you, I'm in HIS hand, no safer place to be! You take care and have a great day with your new "boss"! Tell him hello and that he better be nice to you, OR ELSE!
tmw
Where did everyone go?
Sorry about turning off the comments durring working hours but deletting 150 plus posts is a chore. John Brown has no life or no class.
Beak I apologize if I contributed to the fiasco. I don't blame you for what you had to do.
Better keep an eye on him, I did something to his blog rather unpleasant. While he was busy spamming he wasn't paying any attention to his blog and got some in return.
I am impressed Sir Warren...with your computer acumen.
I had an Angel looking out for me.
okay, warren...when did you find time for that?
just walking in there gave my comp fits!
All I did was return all of his trash, (looking down and scuffing his toes)
I think he's getting a little shrill.
alright, who is this angel and is she going to be a new part of the team?
i have an addendum to the porte cochere incident...in case anybody's interested...
Sir Warren I put you in for a medal. Unfortunately it may take some time to award it.
Warren,
All I did was return all of his trash, (looking down and scuffing his toes)
I can see you scuffing your toes now.
I think he's getting a little shrill.
I don't wonder!
how come we're not on the klanwatch anymore?
We're there.
nanc said...
"i have an addendum to the porte cochere incident...in case anybody's interested..."
me me me!
oh, the sympathy me me me...okay, here goes:
my husband left his spankin' new work truck at the office because he wanted to drive ME home this evening. it was quite a nice ride as we didn't kill anybody on the way and it's difficult to fit a full-sized fridge into the rear of a suburban.
as we drove into the driveway, he stopped about 30 feet shy of the all powerful porte cochere and pulled into the secondary circle drive. feeling somewhat strange, i said, "why are you doing this?", not wanting to end a question with a preposition.
he responded gingerly, "i'll NEVER drive into a porte cochere AGAIN!" so he backed up TO it. the porte cochere has now become useless in his book.
as bob is my witless (elbro will know what i'm talking about), i'm going to drive HIM home one day and pull ALL THE WAY into the damned carport just to show him it has no power over people!
After I hit my father's carport (And I was pushing age 40 at the time--tooth pain warps depth perception. True factoid!), I stayed clearer of it. But not THAT clear!
I thought it was something like as sure as Bob's your uncle...e.g.
This is a catchphrase which seemed to arise out of nowhere and yet has had a long period of fashion and is still going strong. It’s known mainly in Britain and Commonwealth countries, and is really a kind of interjection. It’s used to show how simple it is to do something: “You put the plug in here, press that switch, and Bob’s your uncle!”.
So you're going to pull in one day and as sure as bob's your uncle you'll show him it has no power over people.
When I was a teen, the girl down the street backed into a concrete abutment that was placed to keep people from backing through an entrance way and into a supermarket.
Her father was a body man that had just rebuilt the car and gave it to her as a graduation gift.
I was talking to her brother and father the next day when she wandered up and started telling him how sorry she was but he just shook his head and with more sorrow than malace said, "I just don't know how you managed to back up 50 feet, right into a concrete abutment and total the car." She wailed and between sobs said, "Bbbbut daddy, it wwwwasn't there when I started to back up!"
I guess I shouldn't have laughed.
Yous gots ta watch out fer them ther "porte cochere's"! They ain't always ther whens you starts ta back up!
as "bob is my witless" is what they say on the "rugrats"...and i thought you knew everything...i need a new hero.
have you been to the perp's site, elbro? warren is bordering on genius and you know what they say about that?
but warren - if the porte cochere goes, there goes the security deposit! i appreciate money far more than a stinkin' overrated carport. i'm quite ecstatic he wants to stay away from it!
he even had a funny look on his face last week as he was weedeating around it - what's that all about? its columns are made out of native fieldstone for crying out loud (whatever that means)!
I saw the comments section is there more?
I won't validate him by making a comment. that's what he wants. I saw the post on Sir Warren. What a maroon. Uppity thought I was pulling out the race card today with the KFC reference today. I tried to tell him that it was in reference to a thread at Florians where I added Colonel Sanders to JB's list of conspirators (ala So I married an Axe Murderer) Those two buffoons could keep dozens of comedians employed for years.
Nanc,
RUN OVER THE PORTY COACHER!
my kids don't even watch rugrats, we have more sophisticated tastes like the Marx Brothers, Lewis and Martin and Abbott and Costello.
Heathen.
i was almost positive awhile back you said you were watching the rugrats - were you referring to yours?
beamish - that would take monster truck tires! perhaps there's some other way...
I see he's resorting to the same "censorship" that he decries at other blogs. Hahaha.
elbro - you forgot the three stooges and benny hill - how can i take you seriously now?
nanc - don't listen to the voices in your head, I know women are prone to this. My own wife will say "I told you such and such way back on such and such"
Same voices.
ODG - are we being censored? say it ain't so! fern's the only one who's allowed to censor me!
does she hear them in monotone or with a full orchestra?
three stooges rock - we got lots of dem der DVD's, the creme de la creme
she usually hears them while I am watching a video game, working on the car or just plain not paying any attention to her
i suppost you're going to bring them up on "blue collar comedy"?
she hears them while I am watching the Steelers, the Suns and playing on the computer too
here's your sign
i don't see him deleting ANYTHING! perhaps it's time for another song, a good long song like "alice's restaurant" or the "wreck of the edmund fitzgerald"
Quote from savage justice: (hahahah I can hardly contain myself)
His antics have forced us to make a minor change to our comment policy: from this point forward, any posts of 150 or more words that include no commentary or analysis are subject to removal at the editor's discression.
While I make this change with great regret and am open to other ideas, it can hardly be construed as censorship considering that this policy impacts only those posts which include no original thought on the part of the author.
that's a goodun - i don't care who ya are!
wow he just gave justification for his own censorship....lol
yeah - he pulled that right out of the playbook - i lost nose mucous on that one...i feel much better now!
considering that this policy impacts only those posts which include no original thought on the part of the author.
Isn't this what Beak and everyone else on the Klan Watch has been telling him.
JB - if you can hear me..Is it because your dad never hugged you or are you compensating for something?
Just wondering
toldjall he'd choke on his own medicine.
say goodnight, gracie.
goodnight gracie.
Elmer's Brother said...
"I saw the comments section is there more?"
Not this time. I'm just doing simple stuff that takes a lot of bandwidth. If blogger had been working right today, nobody in their right mind would set around and wait for his comments to load.
I've told Nanc, this takes away from my fun time so I'm using a minimal effort approach.
"no original thought on the part of the author."
He was the author so I guess he would know.
Brilliant Sir Warren.
Nanc,
You ain't getting snobby about dents in a truck, are you?
Ain't you got a tow chain and a trailer hitch? You could snatch it down.
Mr. Pres-elect, Tain't hers to pull down, we are law abiding people here, aren't we? Besides, fieldstone? A challenge I admit, but really, think of the bumper not your own selfish desires! Step away from the columns, now, before you rip the house in half!
I don't think the company would be real happy either!
Aow and Nanc- Just remembered one other time I drove Ben around, he took our daughter's guiena(sic, my mind refuses to spell it) pig out back, Ben startled the poor thing and he took off Ben in pursuit. Ben tripped over a tree root, went down and hit the ball of his shoulder on a knob of root and shattered it! I drove for a while then too! We have suffered wierd accidents because of pets!
Good morning and G*D bless all! PTL, Alberto WILL NOT become a hurricane, it has 65 mph winds rather than 70mph.
tmw
Warren- I gather you received my e-mail. jobro has no class and no insight, he causes headaches, probably because he has been rejected by "normal" people! I don't claim to be normal, why? It's boring. It's sad that Beaker had to have this happen, some people just love to do evil rather than be "good" citizens and neighbors! I guess he wants war, why I don't know, but he and uppity really appear to hate and despise those of us who have had the gaul to create a community without them! They need to find kindred souls, but I guess the self-hatred, self-rejection and hatred of all "others"! Pathetic!
tmw
what happened here today was a show of NO CLASS - and you, brownie, know who i'm talking about. you cannot take your own medicine even dished out in smaller doses.
thank you to our moderator. a patient soul who didn't deserve this.
Nanc- He did it to the thread below this one too! Creepola!
tmw
The chickensquat turned his comments off. LOL
and just when he was startin' to get a little traffic! guess he couldn't handle all the action.
He's a coward! He wants to do to others what he doesn't want done to himself!
Good evening all! It was a bit boring not able to post at Beaker's, but looks like he's home now.
tmw
Warren
This is the best laugh I had in days. BROWN can dish it out but he can't take it.
put me down for one troll abortion today and our moderator for 200+!
Hip hip hurray for the moderator!
tmw
We are going to set up a little security, then we are going to escalate!
i'm all 4 that! time is all i have until i die. which i figure will be in about forty or fifty more years - i plan to become cantankerous AND crotchety! it's what i've been working on my entire life.
Nanc, what the next step up from Contrary?
;^)
you've got me there, warren. what IS the next step up from contrary? please don't say death. i'm hoping for enlightenment!
O.T. - if i may be? saw a great sign today that stated, "i'm not a hillbilly - i'm an ozark american!"
which leads to my next story. on my travel home yesterday, there was a pretty hefty old woman in a flowered dress with an apron on removing clothing from her clothsline - that's what i'm talkin' about! could there be anything better than that when one reaches their twilight years? i love old people.
I do not understand why he is so upset . He has one reader for crying out loud even Ducky and Uptown do not read.
Hey Brown where are your readers ?
maybe that's what has him pist off - i didn't read his articles before i posted...silly me...
Beak, think about what I said about him being a pervert.
This is his payback for outing him.
Where are his readers?
Fighting off the jack booted thugs, that's where. Loser!
"All things in moderation."
Couldn't resist saying that!
aow - it HAD to be said and i'm glad it was you!
i plan to become cantankerous AND crotchety! it's what i've been working on my entire life.
You too?
Why didn't he ask for directions before backing into it?
Shit stain, you are incrediably stupid.
Did you know that all these posts I'm rejecting come from your email addy?
I think I'll just return them.
LOL
beamish - it actually comes quite naturally to me! it's all in the jeans...er...uh...genes...
john - i've yet to meet a man who will ask for or take directions very well, my schweetie included. he loves maps, just doesn't like to use them.
poopstain = $1.95
his comments = -$0.45 (that's a negative)
his world = we owe him
warren's genius = priceless
Return the comments to the addy? Hmmm....
Good one, Nanc! It is so pleasant to sit down with friends without moonbats screeching in the rafters. Guano may be a valuable substance, but not in my drink!
As for directions, Ben would only stop for directions if I insisted that I would do the asking! He would hide the vehicle so no one would know where I came from!
tmw
well, i for one, do not mind somebody disagreeing with me and don't pretend to know everything, but to just be out and out hateful and obstinate like the fecal factory we had here yesterday was just too much to bear. goodbye to bad rubbish.
madze put up haloscan...oooooo...
Stain, when you going to turn your comments back on?
warren - you should know by now that he hates dissention.
Stain intermittently turns on comments, when he thinks it is safe to do so.
The only ones reading his blog are the ones he has spammed. How ludicrous!
Nanc,
The avatar was your fault, but I am willing to forgive you if you forgive me.
And give me five thousand dollars...
fern, you must warn when you go completely off topic. the czech is in the mail.
and forgive you for what? have you gone and done that could possibly need my forgiveness? do i need to come and hang curtains at your site?
Nanc,
When your comments get over 124 responses long you may forget about the original post that inspired them.
So my remark was in reply to the spirit of forgiveness shown in The Great Porta Potty Incident.
oh fern, i'm all about forgiveness and like i said before - i needed some new material and it just so happens it comes to me!
now i've gotta quick get outside and put the orange pilons around the now carport before he gets home! actually, he's calling it the "porty coacher" (a beamishism he likes). as he sits in his office this week, i'll hear him just bust out, "bwaaaaaahhh - porty coacher!!!" he's losin' it.
All things in moderation as in "When will we ever learn"
I think the Beatles said it best w/...nothing to get 'up ' about
*strawberry fields forever
Still completely confused :)
aow
said...
"All things in moderation."
Couldn't resist saying that!
8:52 PM
So what happened to the truck?
why are you confused, mickey?
flo - the truck instead of looking a month old, looks like it's been run into a porte cochere with a refrigerator on board!
oh, and the first week he had it - somebody backed into it in a wal-mart parking lot in the driver side door. he allows the kidz to drive all the time on our mountain and accused them of the footlong dent - saying they must have run into the bumper on my suburban! he later realized the err and apologized. my 'burban didn't even have a ding in it.
Mickey,
All things in moderation as in "When will we ever learn"
Different topic in that song?
No Uptown Steve No John Brown
Life is Goooooooooood
nanc, I've read attentively your postings on antiprotester.blogspot.com Now I see you have an independent blog. Good show!
beak - life is cooler than the other side of the pillow!
mr. hamilton - i'll visit you regularly - your site is quite the site - i have a great appreciation for people who get to the heart of the matter within a split second. time's a wastin'.
mr. hamilton, correction: i'll visit YOUR site...
please don't pay attentive attention to me - i don't warrant that type of attention. as warren says, the posts here run lonnnnnnnnggggggg.
warren works too hard and i have short attention span syndrome (sass for short)!
That's our Nanc, short, or not and sassy except when she's serious!
Nanc- Your hubby-do, seems to have bad luck with his work trucks! I'm surprised they still let him have one, the insurance payments must shoot up when he shows up for work!
Good morning and G*D bless all, hope you had a good nights sleep!
tmw
Does this mean the port isn't kosher now?
no madze - it's now a MESS ianic porty coacher and truck!
If it's mess ianic, it's still kosher, you 2!
tmw
Are you kidding MZ of course the port is kosher now...
its circumsized!!!!!!!!!
oy vey....
FN- Bwahaahaahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!
That was a good one, and you started it MadZ!
Good morning and G*D bless, it is a blessing to start the day with a laugh!
tmw
a blessing likewise to end every moment with one! yeeeehawwww!!!
Comment moderation leads to a peaceful atmosphere these days. Still, I'd rather have more of an open forum--to a point, that is.
Nanc, I saw your comment about changing diapers, either at MZ or Flo's. I needed that good laugh.
that's what i was born for, maam!
aow - i don't mind dissent as long as it remains coherent and it isn't a parrot doing the dissenting.
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