Saturday, June 24, 2006

a beamish boo moment

we'll call one of many because i'm sure they're too numerous to mention.

i felt this little treasure needed a post of its own, so here goes:

mr. beamish, the instable said in the post below this:

"One early summer morning, when we weren't grounded from fishing with dynamite sticks before 6am, me and my older brothers decided it would be fun to take a flamethrower along, just in case we spooked a covey of quail on the way to the creek.

Of course, hunting for quail with a flamethrower in July is illegal in Alabama without a license, but we figured, hey, it's 2 o'clock in the morning, who's gonna catch us?

So we snuck the helicopter out of the garage and started heading for the creek, with dreams of concussion pressured filets of trout fragments dancing in our heads.

Of course, getting the chopper out for a spin at 2 in the morning was always risky because of the noise, but we figured Dad would think the noise was just us plinking cans in the kitchen with a Barrett Light .50, which is okay as long as we didn't take out any of the beloved cans of Campbell's Pepper Pot Soup (which is a collector's item now).

So anyway, we flew the chopper down to the creek and my older brother decides he wants to cast his line in the water while we're still airborne. It would have been fine except that the window wasn't open, so this lit stick of dynamite on a fishing line bounces back into the cabin and my brother starts freaking out and totally lets go of the joystick of the chopper and his fishing pole.

I'm in the back of the chopper trying to stomp out the fuse on the dynamite, stringing cuss words together in a most ungrammatical fashion, while my two brothers are screaming at each other about landing the chopper safely. Dad's going to be pissed if we wreck his helicopter again.

Then it happened.

From what memories I can piece together, I got the window open and tossed the dynamite and fishing pole out, but the fishing line got caught in the side rotor and then the dynamite exploded, tearing the entire tail section off the chopper and sending it flying towards Georgia.

Fortunately, we were only around 10 feet above the creek, so the landing wasn't as bad as it could have been. But, the dynamite blast spooked a nearby covey of quail, and no one was ready with the flamethrower.

Oh boo."

no editing was done to this masterpiece. now i think if i'm ever able to feel again after having fallen while reading this, i'll consider myself a fortunate person.

47 comments:

The Merry Widow said...

Nanc- I agree, that was a gem! Maybe we need a tall tale corner, what a lost American art!
Good morning and G*D bless, laughter in the morning is a blessing!
Mr. Pres-elect, I will need a new desk every few months because I will probablly bang my skillets on it with laughter!
AoW- That's an idea for American Lit., have a tall tale contest, it takes some thinking on your feet to tell one! How's your back behaving?
Warren- Happy Anniversary(belated) to you and Jackie!

tmw

nanc said...

um, tmw? i truly believe beamish meant every word...

Always On Watch said...

My next scheduled posting is Mr. Beamish's type sketch of a leftist. It's going to be a Beamish week! Duck will go wild and froth at the beak. (Note lower case "b")

TMW,
That's an idea for American Lit., have a tall tale contest, it takes some thinking on your feet to tell one!

That's going to happen because this coming term we focus on creative writing.

A few terms back, I had my middle-schoolers write tall tales. They were excellent! Fable-writing is also another good exercise.

How's your back behaving?

So-so. The new medication has some nasty side-effects. I'd give the pain right now a rating of 4 or 5, which beats the 7-10 which I've had to endure most of the time since May 5. Yesterday, I was able to swim laps for 30 minutes.

I see the ortho again on July 25.

Always On Watch said...

Warren's wedding anniversary is June 29, according to a comment he made here a while back.

The Merry Widow said...

Nanc- Welllllll, it was Alabama!

tmw

Always On Watch said...

I may use Beamish's tale as a model, with a bit of editing. "Pissed off" would provide interesting results in the students' tales, but I don't think I want to go there. LOL.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Of course I meant every word. You tell me where in the world I can get ahold of can of Campbell's Pepper Pot Soup and I'll be your slave.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

I'm serious! Look!

Twenty dollars plus shipping and handling for a case of 12 cans of the most awesome of Campbell's soups to be smuggled across the border from, well, wherever the hell they've stashed the stockpile since 1986.

MissingLink said...

Did they recover their fishing gear?

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Holy cow!

These guys want 55 dollars for 12 cans.

These must be the pure stuff, not cut with Canadian water.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

It's worse than I thought!

We must go to war with Canada and reclaim our American soup legacy!

BRING ONB THE RED COATS!

Elmer's Brother said...

Geez I'm afraid this story has pushed the limits of believability. Everybody knows you don't stomp on a dynamite fuse, you're supposed to blow it out! Dang.

Warren said...

No, you don't blow them out either!

They blow themselves out. :^)

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

I love tall tales. The best ones have legs.

MissingLink said...

They blow themselves out.

I am afraid you got it all wrong.
You wee on it.

Warren said...

If you have enough "wee" left after scrambling for it!

Elmer's Brother said...

mr. beamish - and blonde hair

The Merry Widow said...

Some people "wee wee" durning fright, others clamp up tighter than Scrooge's purse! Spit on it, if you can!
Good morning and G*D bless, we were still laughing last night, it's hard to read aloud when you're choking on laughter! Good job!

tmw

Always On Watch said...

Does everybody here know about the Darwin-award winner who shot himself in the family jewels because he used a .22 cartridge as an under-dash fuse while he was on the way to a frog-gigging? Maybe the story is an urban legend, but I heard that the story was true.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Does everybody here know about the Darwin-award winner who shot himself in the family jewels because he used a .22 cartridge as an under-dash fuse while he was on the way to a frog-gigging? Maybe the story is an urban legend, but I heard that the story was true.

I've heard this one too LOL.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Elmer's Brother,

Yes. Blonde hair. Definitely.

Fariq Ali Musad said...

Remind me to tell you the story of the night I got drunk and my camel and I went for a ride with a lampshade on my head...hilarious..it all happened during the 6 day war

nanc said...

nancpop says you must pull the fuse from the stick and that "any" fool knows that...

Fariq Ali Musad said...

and I had my drunk on for two weeks...ooohhh the general was mad

nanc said...

okay, i'll bite - how made was he?

MissingLink said...

AOW,
Maybe the story is an urban legend, but I heard that the story was true.
I am sure it's a true story.

Q: How do (insert nationality of your choice) play Russian roulette?
A: They use a semi-automatic pistol.

Always On Watch said...

Fariq,
You were drinking???

Mad Zionist said...

BILLIANT! The Thavage Juthice is pure genius!! BRAVO!!

Warren said...

Frog Giggin' Accident in Arkansas
1998 Urban Legend
(1996) Two local men were seriously injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on state Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County Deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday.

Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog-giggin' trip.

On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck's headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. A replacement fuse was not available, but Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge.

After traveling approximately 20 miles, just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right, exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released.

"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston (shot his intimate parts off) or we might have been dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how the accident happened," said Snyder.

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife, asked how many frogs the boys had caught.

Incorrectly attributed to the Arkansas Democrat Gazette, 25 July 1996. The Gazette issued a decisive statement denouncing this story as a hoax on October 17, 1997.

Extremely funny but not true.

If it gets hot enough, a bullets case will blow open and the lead will just kind of lay there. A .22 isn't much worse than a firecracker.

Fariq Ali Musad said...

AoW of course not, the camel was. The general was so mad he cancelled my leave to Damascus. (not that I really cared...have you ever been there...nasty place)

Fariq Ali Musad said...

AoW - There is a saying "What good can come out of Damascus?"

Always On Watch said...

Warren,
Too bad the story is not true.

Fariq,
I don't much care to visit Damascus. Saddam's stash of WMD's might be there.

Warren said...

Mad Zionist said...

"BILLIANT! The Thavage Juthice is pure genius!! BRAVO!!

I wish we could take the credit for it.

:^)

I'm going to link it and also put up a link to that imposter, john brown and "savage justice".

I imagine that the people over at "Thavage Juthice" will be quite upset when they find out that they have been parodied!

nanc said...

well, i know i would!

morning warren and everybody else!

Elmer's Brother said...

Where does JB find the time I wonder?

nanc said...

one must wonder when he has time to eat!

MissingLink said...

NAnc,
one must wonder when he has time to eat!

Staying permanently on social welfare has its advantages, almost as good as getting B&B in a slammer.
The only difference is you don't get your computer and TV for free.

Always On Watch said...

Nanc,
He eats?

cube said...

Are you serious? This is way more adventurous than my boring life could ever be. This must be a tall tale... hmmm?

cube said...

BTW I still haven't seen a photo of your chickens...*hint* hint*

tazzmax said...

Thavage justice was a riot.

Darwin awards?

Did you folks ever hear about the guy who used Army surplus baloons to hike himself up tied to a lawn chair,.....armed with a bb gun and a six pack of beer?
The bb gun was to shoot the baloons if he got too high in the air.

When he cut himself loose, his baloons shot him up to 10,000 feet and he was afraid to shoot them,... he was in LAX's flyway approach and headed out to the Pacific,....I'm sure y'all have heard the story, but I don't know how true it is,.....it was damn sure funny,...I think it might have been Brown-Ass who pulled that brilliant stunt!

nanc said...

my chickens are camera shy.

FLORIAN said...

I've always liked hunting quail with rolaids. Gives em' a good "boom"--or is that seagulls? I forget.
Beamish: That was downright hysterical!

FLORIAN said...

I love hunting quail with rolaids! Gives em' a good "boom".

That was hysterical Beamish!

Iben Habin PMS said...

Where can de resistance get hold of dis here Beamish character?

Fariq Ali Musad said...

I wish to recruit the balloon man for the Mahdi Army.

nanc said...

anybody having trouble with yahoo in the last hour or so? it's 9:07 p.m. central time.