Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Watch out for them thar Pigs!!

Last Saturday, I worked a 16 1/2 hour day.

It was a nightmare, everything went wrong.

By the time I was done and started home, it was 1 AM. I was totally exhausted and it was raining.

I use a old State highway as a shortcut. It is a little traveled winding road with occasional farm houses every two or three miles.

As I topped a small rise, 5 or 6 medium sized pigs were running across the road. I hit my brakes and skidded to a stop but not before hitting one of the pigs.

I got out of the car to see if the pig was dead and check for damage. There wasn't any damage to the car but the pig was dead. I thought it would be best to tell the pigs owner what happened but there wasn't a house in sight so I got back in the car and left figuring that would be the end of it.

Imagine my surprise when I received a bill in the mail for a 60 lb pig!

62 comments:

The Merry Widow said...

Bill them back for letting their pigs run loose! Heck, I could understand it if you had taken the pig with you! Lordy, people are odd! But that was weird, how did they know it was you? If they were around, why didn't they try to get your attention? I'll tell you about my parents accident on the back roads of Texas in the late '40s sometime!
Good morning, G*D bless and Maranatha!

tmw
Prayer alert sent out.

Farmer John said...

So, did you "brand" the pig with your license plate?

nanc said...

probably used his grill for a bacon press...

nanc said...

okay - o.t. - does anybody else just about fall out of their chairs when plucky says, "shut-up beak!" or "shut-up beamish" or "shut-up warren" or "shut-up farmer"? don't quite know what it is - just strikes me as hilarious!

hey warren? if you'd have put a throw over it - you could've had "pig in a blanket"! bwaaaaaah - sorry, couldn't resist...

Always On Watch said...

Warren,
If you have to PAY for the pig, then you should be allowed the benefit of consuming the meat.

Another road-kill story....Several years ago, in the wee hours of the morning and with a torrent of rain coming down, my husband was returning from a coin show. Scattered all across the lanes of the interstate were the various body parts of a horse. My husband had no choice but to try to straddle the horse's head. The car--a Lincoln Town Car--rode a bit on the low side, and the trunk was packed full of heavy coins. A bit of damage to the undercarriage, but nothing that couldn't be fixed. The weird thing, however, was that we heard nothing on the news about a horse's carcass scattered all over the interstate.

nanc said...

i stopped my little escort wagon on the hind end of a big doe once - she limped off like a wounded doe - er...uh, the deer, not my car.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Nanc,

Have you ever seen the Adam Sandler movie "The Waterboy?"

I always picture Ducky as Henry Winkler's character, stomping and hissing in high heels as he cries to momma on the phone.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Warren,

That's just messed up.

I'd bill them for whatever car repairs I can't afford right now, plus the cost of the stamp and envelope to mail it, and the gas used to drive it to the post office.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

Then, I'd sue them for harassment.

Then I'd recoup legal fees from them.

Then, and only then, would I sue them for animal cruelty.

After that, I'd sue their mom for having them.

Don't laugh, it's how I made my first billion.

nanc said...

there are such things as livestock laws - by golly, warren - i do believe you just may have bought the ranch! if those people are so insensitive as to allow their swine to run loose - you can sue them! don't forget the little people you met along the way :}

nanc said...

beamish - i see plucky as the nathan lane role in "the birdcage"!

The Merry Widow said...

plucky does cause me to desire to fall from my chair in a violent gag reflex. Then I want to throw a chair at his head, to see if sense can be knocked into it! And Nanc's right, the fact that those pigs were running loose could have caused severe damage to your vehicle and possible bodily harm! One dead pig was a small price to pay for letting them run free! At that time of night too!
I'm glad you weren't hurt!

tmw

Mickey said...

Sounds like a swine whine to me. I ?smell? a discrimination suit, deer have their own signzzzzz.

Mickey said...

::frankly i think they should have thrown the book at him:::

Funny story
:::smirk:::

nanc said...

of course you would side with the bacon, mickey!

Brooke said...

What a jerk? What do they expect if they leave their pigs running loose?

Refer them to PeTA.

Then take Beamish's suggestion.

Warren said...

TMW said:
" But that was weird, how did they know it was you?"

You're going to hate me for this...

The pigs squealed on me!

Gotcha!

BWA ha ha ha ha, (I fell for it too), ha ha.

Mr. Beamish the Instablepundit said...

You know I owe you for this, Warren. LOL!

nanc said...

ah-oh!

nanc said...

p.s. tmw will probably slam a whammy on him - look out!

nanc said...

developing - beamish may need to go.

Mickey said...

nanc..........
*trying knot 2 laugh
*muffled
hahahaha
I thot it wood B a clever time to use my pig hed alias...never min...



warren-lol




-benstupidsillysittindotcalm

The Merry Widow said...

Warrennnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't need that at 5:55am! Oh, Lordy, I can't laugh, my head hurts! (Sinuses, not alcohol!)
No good morning for you!;p

tmw(owwwww, my head)

Kathy said...

Hmm pigs.. pkig pkig pkig!!!!

Farmer John said...

Shoulda had a pig whistle on your bumper. Lets the pigs know you're coming. It's kinda like a deer whistle, only fatter and pinker.

The Merry Widow said...

FJ- Just what Warren needs, for Christmas, A FAT PINK PLASTIC PIGGY BANK TO TIE ON THE FRONT OF HIS VEHICLE! Okay, Warren, you got me back for yanking your chain with the "fake" sorry! Now to go find a pink piggy, with a really curly tail! Oink, oink!

tmw
P.S. Or a REALLY pink pig stuffed animal!

Steve Harkonnen said...

At least be thankful you're not in Iceland. Icelandic farmers will not only bill for the animal's death, but for subsequent future generations of it as well.

JINGOIST said...

That's a great story Warren, but the end sucks! You should be wallerin in side pork, chops and smoked bacon right now. JEEEZ.

Here's what I would have done. After running over Porky I would have thrown his broken ass in the trunk. It's not easy, but I've thrown pigs in my car before so I know it's doable. Don't ask :-) After driving him to a butcher I'd find out who to pay for a broken pig. The way I see it, someone else ended up with your rump roast!
Great story though. Sometime remind me to tell you about a similar episode I had in Puerto Rico.

Morgan

nanc said...

um, morgan? did you read all the comments?

THE PIG SQUEALED ON WARREN!

JINGOIST said...

No I don't usually do that nanc. In your honor I'll do just that.
So how was your day?

Morgan

nanc said...

well, morgan - just when i think it cannot get any better - VOILA - i'm proven wrong!

a funny think happened at work today - my husband came in starving from a morning at one of the jobsites, so i made him sit down while i fixed his lunch - leftover chicken parmesan, brown butter and garlic pasta with a green salad, chocolate cake and some ice water - as i fussed over him - teasingly he said, "you can go sit down now..." i was lmao until it came time to clean up - then i told our bosses (the owners of the company) to "please don't bother him while he does the dishes!" they about fell on the floor!

JINGOIST said...

Sounds like a fun place to work.

Morgan

nanc said...

it's much more than that. thanks, morgan.

Russet Shadows said...

TMW, you mentioned throwing chairs. Are you following in the footsteps of Steve Ballmer? Heheh.

drummaster2001 said...

warren:

i have some questions
1.) why didn't you take the pig
2.)how did they know it was you
3.) how did they find out all the information to send you a bill

The Merry Widow said...

RS- At least I don't use profanity! Or threaten to kill someone. And plucky is one of the few I feel like head pounding, his cluelessness sometimes drives me up the wall! I believe my 2 teens "got it" better, earlier and more often than plucky! I have a concrete block house, but I don't know if the walls could withstand plucky's determined blindness. "There are none so blind as those who WILL NOT see!"
DM2001-Didn't you read Warren's smart alecky answer? The pigs squealed on him! It's a joke! Now you need to be on the lookout for the biggest, fattest, pinkest pig for Warren, for Christmas!
Good morning, G*D bless and Maranatha!

tmw

eyesallaround said...

LOL! Good one!

American Crusader said...

A 60 lb. pig? How big was the bill?

American Crusader said...

"The pigs squealed on me!"

Dammit...I should have read all the comments first.

nanc said...

a.c. - pigs don't have bills - plucky has a bill - pigs have snouts!

warren got everybody good!

The Merry Widow said...

You know Warren is going to be insufferable for a while! He's laughing himself silly over how he snookered us! Probably falls out of his chair everytime he checks this post's comments!
What should we do to him? Any ideas? Inundate him with piggy pictures?

tmw

drummaster2001 said...

tmw:

nope, i read the post and went straight to comment- i had some work to take care of and didn't have time to read the 30 comments. of course this means, i owe him one. payback is a bitch.

nanc said...

well drummaster - i'd meet you at beamish' to cinch up a plan, but i've been banned from crankfiles. it got pretty ugly.

kuhnkat said...

I didn't catch on either!!!

I was too busy wondering where they are letting PYGMY PIGS run around loose!!! 60 lbs???

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Warren said...

I hate pigs, (but I love those smoked pork products!) There was this one that would act like it was ignoring you then when you weren't looking, it would try to sneak up behind and bite you.

Kuhnkat, I've mucked out a pig pen or two so I know how big they get. I just picked a size that didn't sound like it would do too much damage.

I pulled that joke on a couple of guys at work today. Later in the afternoon, someone tried to pull it on me.

I let him go through the, "whole pork sausage", then asked him if the pigs squealed on him.

I was just "hamming" it up!

LOL

Warren said...

Doesn't, Mickey, have a beautiful smile.

I haven't seen a smile like that since grandad lost his store bought teeth in the pig pen.

;^)

nanc said...

i love that smile ;]

good night, warren.

The Merry Widow said...

Looks like them thar' pigs is getting a life of their own! I'm betting in Heaven we'll run into each other and the first thing we say is, " How's them thar' pigs?" sort of an inside joke! And the Lord will look upon us, and roll HIS eyes. 8-0 And we will roll on the floor!
Good morning, G*D bless and Maranatha!

tmw

FreeCyprus said...

>>
(second video):

Laskar Jihad in Indonesia

cube said...

You should've at least gotten to keep the pig since you're paying for it. They are mighty tasty.

BTW howin the world did they know it was you?

The Merry Widow said...

Cube- Go back and read through the comments! Warren is in the pig sty!

tmw

nanc said...

this just gets better and better!

Always On Watch said...

I must be taking too many pain pills. I just got this. I'm too ashamed to tell how many readings it took. LOL.

nanc said...

that's okay, aow - at least YOU have a good excuse - what about the rest of us?

The Merry Widow said...

Nanc- How 'bout Warren typed it with a straight face?
AoW- Look at all the people Warren snookered! At least you aren't alone in the boat! I still say we should find piggy pictures to send him!

tmw

drummaster2001 said...

nanc:

yeah, about the banning on the crank files, did i miss something, because it didn't appear that i did?

nanc said...

see the next article down, drummaster. it's kind of a sitcom.

Kelly said...

Farmer John said...

So, did you "brand" the pig with your license plate?

The plates said, "I8URPG".

nanc said...

why kelly - that's probably how they traced it back to warren!

Warren said...

Yea, go ahead and blame the victim!

Amazingly, the recipe for roast pig stuffed with wild rice is almost identical to the recipe for roast dog stuffed with wild rice!

I just need a bigger oven.

nanc said...

that and the fur...

Kelly said...

I am sorry, but eating roast dog would be a bit "ruff".