From: Secretary to Warren of Longrange
To: The Community
As personal matters have caused me to absent myself from my leadership duties, and I have no desire to see "The Community" suffer due to this absence. I hereby designate Nanc of Longrange and Curtains as the temporary head of "The Community". All decisions shall be deferred to her for answers and arbitration as necessary. I ask that all members of "The Community" consult her on all matters that need the decisions of higher authority.
As soon as possible I will return and resume my duties. Thank you for your cooperation during this time of uncertainty.
Secretary to Warren of Longrange (THE Leader of THIS Community)
addendum: If you are not a member of the "The Community" aforementioned, carry on. We don't have time for dawdlers.
a satire
98 comments:
Hunh?????
no gayle, you man not change your haircolor today!
If you have to ask that question Gayle, it doesn't cover you! Though it can, if you want it to, we'll ask Nanc since she is now our fearless leader!
Nanc? Uh, Nanc? I hate to bother you at this busy time, but...
tmw
There has been a question raised, since you are now in charge, should we refer to you as; Your Highness or as Your Exalted Nancness?
tmw
no tmw, i will not kiss you for a quarter!
i like what rob says, "just don't call me late for tmw's taco soup!"
so you may call me "on time for taco soup dearest!"
This was from a shy individual who e-mailed me out of proper terror of you! So what should I write him back?
tmw
okay - okay - okay
decisions - harumph!
"her nancness" has a nice ring to it.
or perhaps, "baby nanc duvalier" for life?
WHERE IS MY ROBE?
Chartreuse? With pink rosebuds embroidered on it? Or with gold braid and fringe and citrine, peridot and seed pearl rosettes?
I don't know how Warren does it with all these decisions!
tmw
Has Nanc, fallen off her rocker? or did that happen a long time ago!
btw, how did that 'estimate' go?
haha!
if you are - ah-ha! - a member of this community you would know not to ask me such silly questions!
do i also have administrative privilege?
good!
hang some curtains while you're at it!
BAYN?
front and center you little whippersnapper!
NO! you may not rent the five movies, for five days special at blockbuster - do you hear me?
Nanc
You are more suited to the task. Good move on Warren's part. I agree.
Nanc
You are more suited to the task. Good move on Warren's part. I agree.
Baby Nanc Duvalier For Life,
I wanted to update my website's bio, but my "Community Permit" has yet to be officially approved. May I please get the "Community Permission Stamp of Approval" from you so that I may move forward with my plans?
Thank you, oh great Exalted One.
-Humble, genuflecting MZ
just no gun questions, beak - we save those for warren's return. this is irrevocable.
STAND UP WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO ME, MADZE!
genuflecting is for catholics!
the permit is in the mail with a small fee.
i must now have my royal nap.
i'd like everyone to be quiet now.
Have a great weekend your NANCINESS..lol.:)
Your Nanciness... I think that fits!
Why do I suddenly have "Hail to the Chief" stuck in my head?
Bless you, Baby Nanc Duvalier For Life.
Next, I would like to most humbly and subserviently ask for your official Community Permission to comment at a site that has not yet been listed as Community Approved. I sent in the required references, background checks and also had the application stamped by an approved Notary as per Community regulations.
If you could find it good in your heart to grant me this official permission I would be so, so grateful to you.
1,000 times thank you for your consideration our great and worthy Commune Leader.
B-b-b-b-but...did he sign the order with a strong hand?
Should i refer to you as Madame Secretary now?
I AM Madame Secretary! She is Your Exalted Nanciness! Get it straight Rob, I have the power of the paper shredder!
tmw
I demand a recount I'm sure there are some pregnant chads hanging around somewhere.
I demand a recount I'm sure there are some pregnant chads hanging around somewhere.
dang my record is stuck again well there I voted twice
Usurper!
What have you done with warren? I refuse to take orders from anyone not wielding either a hatchet, or an axe.
Only warren's axe is bigger than mine!
This results of this coup will not stand!
Just wait until the equestrian knights hear of this outrage!
Warren is at the hospital with his wife. She is having some problems and he is more concerned about the bride of his youth than all you heathens! Heathens=those who question Warren's orders! Ask Beaker, he probably called, and I spoke to our fearless leader this morning! So all is in order and officially done!
tmw
BTW-There is no vote on this, it is by fiat!
tmw is secretary of the inferior!
NO RECOUNTS! at least from what i can remember...
now you people have awakened me!
OFF WITH THEIR HEADS HATCHET MAN!
I'm the only around here with a hatchet... so don't try and boss me around! Just who do you think you are?
May I call you:.....MADAM SPEAKER!??
However, we'll not put up with you "batting" your eyes like the "other Nancy"!! HEE-HEE!
Aaaaand...aaaaaaand, when she wears red, you wear green!
Heads will roll when warren gets back... heads will roll!
I could actually believe that warren left tmw in charge as Secretary of the Inferior, but you???? Warren hasn't even seen fit to blogroll curtains! And that should tell you where you really stand in the pecking order!
No, our Exalted Nanciness works better in earthtones and blue. Green does not go. Except chartreuse, with gold braid and fringe, and citrine, peridot and seed pearl rosettes!
FJ-Don't make me come after you with a skillet! Put the hatchet down!
EB-Since there were no votes, there are no pregnant chads! Warren is a chief and he wasn't voted in, he just is!
tmw
warren,
Next time...LOCK THE CABIN DOOR!
We've been hijacked by a contrary!
HELP!!!!!!!!
Her Exalted Nanciness is Warren's baby sister! And he takes care of his sisters! I'm the middle sister and AoW is the oldest, so it was kept in the family!
tmw
I'm w/elbro.
I think we need a recount. You've stacked the deck and the court.
...and nowhere is the order of succession clearly delineated. And, besides the eldest member of your troika/triumverate hasn't weighed in yet.
MADZIONIST may change his bio by the wieldy stroke of my pen!
all the rest of y'all have found yourselves smack in the middle of a coup d'ville!
now, i'll put up with none of your insubordinate ways!
i need another nap!
I'm with EB, I demand a recount!
I know, I know, the stress of all those decisions, the mantle of leadership, very exhausting!
FJ-The most senior of us sisters works for a living, but she is an advisor in a confidential position!
tmw
BAYN?
go stomp your foot at elbro's then!
i am so overwhelmed with decisionmaking i have no time to recount anything!
No dawdler's here!
Chorus:
Alice in Wonderland, how do you get to Wonderland?
Over the hill or underland, or just behind the tree?
When clouds go rolling by, they roll away and leave the sky.
Where is the land beyond the eye, the people can not see, where can it be?
Where do stars go, where is the grass that's blue?
They must be somewhere in the sunny afternoon.
Alice in Wonderland, where is the path to Wonderland?
Over the hill or here or there, I wonder where.
Sister: ...leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria declared for him, and even Stigand... Alice!
Alice: Hmm...? Oh, I’m listening.
Sister: And even Stigand, the archbishop of Canterbury, agreed to meet with William and offer him the crown.
Alice: He he he!
Sister: William’s conduct at first was mo....
Alice: He he he!
Sister: Alice...! Will you kindly pay attention to your history lesson?
Alice: I’m sorry, but how can one possibly pay attention to a book with no pictures in it?
Sister: My dear child, there are a great many good books in this world without pictures.
Alice: In this world perhaps. But in my world, the books would be nothing but pictures.
Sister: Your world? Huh, what nonsense. Now...
Alice: Nonsense?
Sister: Once more. From the beginning.
Alice: That’s it, Dinah! If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrariwise, what it is, it wouldn’t be, and what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?
Dinah: Meow!
Alice: In my world, you wouldn’t say ‘meow’. You’d say ‘Yes, miss Alice’.
Dinah: Meow!
Alice: Oh, but you would! You’d be just like people, Dinah, and all the other animals too. Why, in my world... Cats and rabbits, would reside in fancy little houses, and be dressed in shoes and hats and trousers. In a world of my own. All the flowers would have very extra special powers, they would sit and talk to me for hours, when I’m lonely in a world of my own. There’d be new birds, lots of nice and friendly how-de-do birds, everyone would have a dozen bluebirds, within that world of my own. I could listen to a babbling brook and here a song, that I could understand. I keep wishing it could be that way, because my world would be a wonderland.
Dinah: Meow! Meow! Meow!
Alice: Oh Dinah! It’s just a rabbit with a waistcoat... and a watch!
White Rabbit: Oh my fur and whiskers! I’m late, I’m late I’m late!
Alice: Now this is curious! What could a rabbit possibly be late for? Please, sir!
White Rabbit: I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date! No time to say hello, goodbye! I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!
Alice: It must be awfully important, like a party or something! Mister Rabbit! Wait!
White Rabbit: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I’m overdue. I’m really in a stew. No time to say goodbye, hello! I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!
I'm late, I'm late for a very important date.
No time to say hello, good-bye, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late
I'm late and when I wave, I lose the time I save.
My fuzzy ears and whiskers took me too mych time to shave.
I run and then I hop, hop, hop, I wish that I could fly.
There's danger if I dare to stop and here's a reason why:
I'm over-due, I'm in a rabbit stew.
Can't even say good-bye,
hello, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late.
I had a feelin' that AoW was the puppetmaster behind this coup!
The coup's on! It's been simmerin' for quite a while. I've got a feelin' that the whole beak-Madze thing was a distraction to keep us from lookin' behind the curtains.
'Fess up!
farmer - let me know in an old post at curtains if you'd like to get ahold of warren and i'll give you the info.
i am the leader now, and you'll tow the line or else!
or...uh...else...you won't...
too late I've already started the recount as a matter of fact the evidence is pointing to a result that is totally different...
If you are not a member of the "The Community" aforementioned, carry on. We don't have time for dawdlers.
Do I have a designated task to do? Let me know. Meanwhile, I'll continue to pray for Warren and his wife.
It was a Diebold machine. I knew it!
...and you'll never get me to tow the line! I may toe it, but I'll never tow it!
I taut I taw a putty tat!
warren,
I hope all turns out well for you and your wife!
And don't worry, I'll keep my eye on this "caretaker" government of yours!
...and thanks for the offer nanc. I may take you up on that at a later date.
I wouldn't want to step on anyone's tows.
EB-There was no vote, there will not be a vote and you aren't one of the sisters!
AoW-Dear you are the wise, advisor sister, REMEMBER? So advise already!
tmw
Just remember a little lesson from Caesar, whenever their a coup...
...the praetorians get their bonuses. ;-) ;-) say no more.
ah-hahahahahahahaha!
i am the queen!
i make the rules!
Nanc,
You make the rules? Is this a benevolent dictatorship?
although i am benevolent, i don't do dictator well, so i leave it to others to make their own rules for themselves and i make my rules for me! so far, so good.
It's good to be queen!
tmw
Hope all is well with Warren and his wife.
--All bow down before Queen Nanc as she is crowned Empress of the Longrange--
It's good to be the queen!
i am the queen!
i make the rules!
nanc tmw
why are you stealing Duhkkky's lines?
Command us, oh Great Queen. Your will is our will, with all the Y's answered.
*(this is beginning to sound a little like "The Man Song")*
KuhnKat,
Fiat = Fix It Again, Tony. My husband used to work on Fiats, so he and I stand by that interpretation.
EB,
**snicker**
TMW,
I'm the advisor? Okay. I'll shoot you an email in my capacity as senior advisor-sister.
...time to change the name of this town...
It is I, Abu Beamish al-Instablepundi al-Irhab al-Abama al-Whoopyerass, announcing the formation of:
The Community Liberation Front
And we note (because all lone wolves speak with the rhetorical "we" when "we" note stuff) that there are no Chili Cheese Fritos in the snack bowl.
Prepare for jihad!
Well it has been a good excersize in leadership. As I stated Nanc is suited to this task.
Abu Beamish, they don't ship chili-cheese Fritos here! I know, I've been hunting for them for months!
So just jihadi yourself home!
tmw
fj said Command us, oh Great Queen. Your will is our will, with all the Y's answered.
I think you're either a little....shall we say "****y whipped" or you're brown nosing...I thought you were on our side?
3 of us against? How many? And Warren, our big brother is home! So be careful, vewy, vewy careful!
And FJ knows Warren's axe is BIGGER! He's not chief for nothing, you know!
tmw
i am pretty easy to live with, no?
AHA!
I HAVE ALL THE CHILI CHEESE FRITO'S! CAPTIVE - THEY ARE MINE-MINE-MINE!
now, show me the oil and i'll give you some...chili cheese chips that is...
elbro,
I think I know which side is holding the chile-cheese Fritos. And that's the side I want to end up on.
In the battle between justice and snack-foods, I'll choose the snack-foods every time!
So, Nancqueen, you're moving up in the world...
naaaaaaaah, kell - i was always the queen, but nobody else knew until we told them!
bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha!
okay girls - the farmer is IN! i knew we could claim him! he just didn't know it yet...
And Warren, our big brother is home!
Yeehaw!
He's ours! All ours! Yeehaw! Now, where's the chili-cheese fritos?
tmw
I went blogging at an unauthorized site! NA-NA-NA-NANANA
test
that's it for you, madze!
somebody please remind me to poke fern in the eye when all this new blogger stuff is over - i cannot access longrange or the merry widow right now and i have an extremely important to the community post to make.
i am still your fearless leader, baby nanc duvalier!
Abu Beamish al-Instablepundi al-Irhab al-Abama al-Whoopyerass hereby issues a fatwa against all Chili Cheese Frito-less snack bowls.
TMW, you did not do jihad to get Chili Cheese Fritos in your grocery store.
But Her Royal Nancness is hoarding all the Chili Cheese Fritos. This is unacceptable.
You will be hearing from the Council of American-Fritoist Relations soon.
Abu Beamish-Were you aware that the pronunciation of CAFR is Kaffir? You trying to run facefirst into a skillet, boy?
MadZ-You looking for a spanking?
Your Nanciness-I have the keys to the inner inferior works, let me find the key...mutter, mumble, that's not the one,criminy...let me get back to you on the key...dang, soooooo many...
Good morning, G*D bless and Maranatha!
Maybe the "other" coffer...
tmw
fj I say we build Hadrian's wall and TAKE the snacks...sucking up is just a form of appeasement
You've a sharp eye, TMW. I can get nothing past you!
i am back with a vengeance!
Mr. B.-I'm not a leftista! That helps, I'm sure!
tmw
...but if we did that elbro, we'd be the one's having to work to pay-off all our supporters. This way, we get all the bennies, do none of the work, and share none of the risks...
we'd just make the dissenters disappear or better yet kick them to the other side of the wall...
I'm sure the cohorts could manage
Exactly. Just so long as Caesar keeps the rest of the legions north of the Rubicon.
I think we're already past the "point of no return".
you two having fun over here?
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