Government is not reason; it is not eloquence; it is force! Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master. ~ George Washington -
"A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves." --French philosopher Bertrand de Jouvenel--
"Or in our case hyenas." --Warren / Longrange1--
Sunday, October 08, 2006
funniest LABOR room story
no explanation needed here, but i must warn you, mine's a doozie!
madze will choose the winner. this DOES NOT hinge on the gift you may or may not choose to purchase later...
okay - okay - okay - mine first if for no other reason than to get the ball rolling:
it was a hundred or so years ago - i'd been in labor for 37 hours, the last 20 or so hard labor - they came in to give me a saddle block and told me to put my head between my knees - "where the hell do you want me to put my belly you idiots" thinking to myself.
so nurse vise grip or ratchet thought she'd help me out by holding my head down between my knees and as soon as i was "in place" staring at things i'd never seen on my own body before - my water broke!
Oh, Nanc! Sounds like you got my recovery room nurse(I'm convinced she was career Army)! I was in labor for about 12 hrs. and my son never dropped below the ischial spines, I only dilated 4 centimeters! So I was informed they were going to do a c-section. I lost it, but afterwards, this is on a Sunday afternoon when they did the maternity ward tours for the expectant parents. They closed off the recovery room, because Nurse Knuckles was giving me abdominal massages(I had lost a size during my pregnancy) and she was kneading my poor c-section up to her knuckles. I was screaming so loud, my late said that I could be heard down the corridor. Ooops! All those expectant parents, probably thought I was being tortured! I'm sure there was a great deal of trepidation for the rest of those pregnancy's!
Well, our third came in a hurry! At three a.m., (of course) I woke the hubby and told him to call my mother to come over, and quick. After pacing, moaning as quietly as possible to keep from waking the other two, and my water breaking all over the throw rug in the kitchen, my mom FINALLY showed up an hour later... She had taken a shower and made herself a carafe of coffee! (Like we don't have a tub or coffeemaker.)
She came in the front as I went out the back to the car, where I couldn't sit in a seat, so I hunched in the back of the van while the hubby did 70mph in a 35 lane! Thankfully, there were no cops around to argue the situation with!
As soon as I got to the delivery room, the staff uttered some rather colorful language, because there was NO equipment in the room and the only doctor on the floor was elbow deep in another delivery!
The nurse delivered our sweet little girl EXACTLY 12 minutes from the time I hit the front door of the hospital! No pain meds. (Thanks, mom!)
It wasn't Mrs Z. She never went into labor, and we have a scheduled C this time, too. Hopefully we will not have anything of our own to contribute on this one.
ceeeees are the greatest way to go - two natural and one cee here - there's almost no recovery time and you can actually sit comfortably afterward. amazing.
From what I've heard from the "naturals", c's are the way to go! My daughter was a planned c. So I got a full nights sleep going in, and the recovery was soooooo much better. Since my son was unplanned, it was a bit of a shock and mess. What was even funnier about his arrival, they had 2 nursing students, one was the wife of a man who worked for my hubby, so we bantered quite a bit. Until the poopies hit the fan, then my blood pressure dropped, more scrambling. If at all possible, make a production number out of it! That was Mom's philosophy and I know she was proud of the mess I made! Nanc, a thought, after the various adventures we've had, it's amazing we've had more than 1 each! Since MadZ won't tell us the baby's name until after the bris, let's make a contest on the name. Then EB has another chance of winning the stupid door and maybe he'll shut up about his children freezing in the Southeast. Hint, change the setting on the a/c! Good morning, G*D bless and Maranatha!
My wife's water broke around midnight (she went into labor with all three at about midnight) she woke me up and asked when I was going to call the doctor. I said it's your water...you call him and went back to sleep
my husband's father dropped his mother off at the hospital when she went into labor with him and went fishing for three days and came back to bring them home...that was so big of him!
she called the doctor and I got up after he said I HAD to take her to the hospital. She is a patient woman and I'm patient too. She didn't have that kid for another 15 stinking hours. Sheesh...can a man get a little rest.
My wife had preeclampsia and the birth, although not full term was put off as long as possible.
They decided to induce labor first, it didn't work, she never dialated.
But while they were inducing labor, we could hear a woman screaming at the top of her lungs about every 15 minutes and cursing the nurses and threatening the doctor the rest of the time.
My wife was terrified and silently bearing her pain. while holding my hand she looked at me and said, "That poor woman, she must have somthing terrible wrong!". A nurse, who was don't nurse things at the time, said, "Nope, there's nothing wrong with her, she's having false labor pains or trying to blackmail the doctor into taking the baby early by c-section. You're in a lot more pain than her."
The next morning, they delivered our son by c-section and my wife went back to the same ward to recover. The woman was still there, screaming her head off. I guess her doctor decided to go ahead and deliver the baby because she was either far enough along or he was afraid someone on the nursing staff was going to throttle her if she didn't shut up. He delivered the baby later that afternoon.
Nope, that wasn't the end of it. The same woman started screaming about her pain and was demanding pain meds, she refused to sit up or get out of bed and finally they had to actually force her to get up and walk with a nurse hanging on to either side and frog marching her up and down the corridor. They also had to force her to take a shower.
Mind you, I don't know about this from gossip. This psyco broadcasted every bit of it through her yelling and screaming and she was four rooms down and across the hall.
Finally the doctor got sick of her antics and forced her to leave the hospital.
My wife was in for two weeks after the deliverly and begging to go home after the second day.
Warren-In those days the hospitals kept a c-section for 2 weeks, when I had my 2 it was 48 hrs., thank you, move along! Not that I was complaining, both times I started out with normal, reasonable women as roommates. Then, I got the roommates from Hell. Neither time were their heads screwed on straight! One I don't think had her head screwed on at all! All her relatives showed up at once, late, closed the curtains and I swear one was smoking! In the maternity ward of a hospital! :rolling eyes: No thought for anyone else, I was nursing, but I told the nursery to hold my daughter because I was getting no sleep! Good morning, G*D bless and Maranatha!
it's the old dribble cup syndrome. happens to me whenever elbro and/or beamish show up. yup. that's why i wear only coffee and/or beer colored clothing. it helps on the dry cleaning bill.
I have driven many a women to drinking. Just never have done it through the internet. I must admit it's much easier and cheaper. Virtual lawyers don't ask for much.
29 comments:
okay - okay - okay - mine first if for no other reason than to get the ball rolling:
it was a hundred or so years ago - i'd been in labor for 37 hours, the last 20 or so hard labor - they came in to give me a saddle block and told me to put my head between my knees - "where the hell do you want me to put my belly you idiots" thinking to myself.
so nurse vise grip or ratchet thought she'd help me out by holding my head down between my knees and as soon as i was "in place" staring at things i'd never seen on my own body before - my water broke!
yup...and where do you think it went?
Oh, Nanc! Sounds like you got my recovery room nurse(I'm convinced she was career Army)! I was in labor for about 12 hrs. and my son never dropped below the ischial spines, I only dilated 4 centimeters! So I was informed they were going to do a c-section. I lost it, but afterwards, this is on a Sunday afternoon when they did the maternity ward tours for the expectant parents. They closed off the recovery room, because Nurse Knuckles was giving me abdominal massages(I had lost a size during my pregnancy) and she was kneading my poor c-section up to her knuckles. I was screaming so loud, my late said that I could be heard down the corridor. Ooops! All those expectant parents, probably thought I was being tortured! I'm sure there was a great deal of trepidation for the rest of those pregnancy's!
tmw
Well, our third came in a hurry! At three a.m., (of course) I woke the hubby and told him to call my mother to come over, and quick. After pacing, moaning as quietly as possible to keep from waking the other two, and my water breaking all over the throw rug in the kitchen, my mom FINALLY showed up an hour later... She had taken a shower and made herself a carafe of coffee! (Like we don't have a tub or coffeemaker.)
She came in the front as I went out the back to the car, where I couldn't sit in a seat, so I hunched in the back of the van while the hubby did 70mph in a 35 lane! Thankfully, there were no cops around to argue the situation with!
As soon as I got to the delivery room, the staff uttered some rather colorful language, because there was NO equipment in the room and the only doctor on the floor was elbow deep in another delivery!
The nurse delivered our sweet little girl EXACTLY 12 minutes from the time I hit the front door of the hospital! No pain meds. (Thanks, mom!)
It wasn't Mrs Z. She never went into labor, and we have a scheduled C this time, too. Hopefully we will not have anything of our own to contribute on this one.
ceeeees are the greatest way to go - two natural and one cee here - there's almost no recovery time and you can actually sit comfortably afterward. amazing.
From what I've heard from the "naturals", c's are the way to go! My daughter was a planned c. So I got a full nights sleep going in, and the recovery was soooooo much better. Since my son was unplanned, it was a bit of a shock and mess. What was even funnier about his arrival, they had 2 nursing students, one was the wife of a man who worked for my hubby, so we bantered quite a bit. Until the poopies hit the fan, then my blood pressure dropped, more scrambling. If at all possible, make a production number out of it! That was Mom's philosophy and I know she was proud of the mess I made!
Nanc, a thought, after the various adventures we've had, it's amazing we've had more than 1 each!
Since MadZ won't tell us the baby's name until after the bris, let's make a contest on the name. Then EB has another chance of winning the stupid door and maybe he'll shut up about his children freezing in the Southeast. Hint, change the setting on the a/c!
Good morning, G*D bless and Maranatha!
tmw
My wife's water broke around midnight (she went into labor with all three at about midnight) she woke me up and asked when I was going to call the doctor. I said it's your water...you call him and went back to sleep
EB-Did you get the receiving end of a rolling pin for that smart mouth of your's?
tmw
my husband's father dropped his mother off at the hospital when she went into labor with him and went fishing for three days and came back to bring them home...that was so big of him!
EB: I hope you said that in the fog of sleep, and then woke up! Otherwise, your better half is a patient woman!
Nanc: Whatta guy.
my mother-in-law makes the proverbs 31 woman look like a slouch.
she called the doctor and I got up after he said I HAD to take her to the hospital. She is a patient woman and I'm patient too. She didn't have that kid for another 15 stinking hours. Sheesh...can a man get a little rest.
My wife had preeclampsia and the birth, although not full term was put off as long as possible.
They decided to induce labor first, it didn't work, she never dialated.
But while they were inducing labor, we could hear a woman screaming at the top of her lungs about every 15 minutes and cursing the nurses and threatening the doctor the rest of the time.
My wife was terrified and silently bearing her pain. while holding my hand she looked at me and said, "That poor woman, she must have somthing terrible wrong!". A nurse, who was don't nurse things at the time, said, "Nope, there's nothing wrong with her, she's having false labor pains or trying to blackmail the doctor into taking the baby early by c-section. You're in a lot more pain than her."
The next morning, they delivered our son by c-section and my wife went back to the same ward to recover. The woman was still there, screaming her head off. I guess her doctor decided to go ahead and deliver the baby because she was either far enough along or he was afraid someone on the nursing staff was going to throttle her if she didn't shut up. He delivered the baby later that afternoon.
Nope, that wasn't the end of it. The same woman started screaming about her pain and was demanding pain meds, she refused to sit up or get out of bed and finally they had to actually force her to get up and walk with a nurse hanging on to either side and frog marching her up and down the corridor. They also had to force her to take a shower.
Mind you, I don't know about this from gossip. This psyco broadcasted every bit of it through her yelling and screaming and she was four rooms down and across the hall.
Finally the doctor got sick of her antics and forced her to leave the hospital.
My wife was in for two weeks after the deliverly and begging to go home after the second day.
i was a screamer with the first one...mostly because nurse hatchet kept asking me "how're you doin?"
Warren-In those days the hospitals kept a c-section for 2 weeks, when I had my 2 it was 48 hrs., thank you, move along! Not that I was complaining, both times I started out with normal, reasonable women as roommates. Then, I got the roommates from Hell. Neither time were their heads screwed on straight! One I don't think had her head screwed on at all! All her relatives showed up at once, late, closed the curtains and I swear one was smoking! In the maternity ward of a hospital! :rolling eyes: No thought for anyone else, I was nursing, but I told the nursery to hold my daughter because I was getting no sleep!
Good morning, G*D bless and Maranatha!
tmw
I was a screamer for all three of them....not the delivery though
you're killin' me, elbro - you're really killin' me!
ROFLMTO since yesterday at this time - i'll be okay!!!
Durn it, EB, you almost made me ruin my keyboard with coffee spray!
:P
Brooke this isn't the first time you have spilled coffee reading my comments...I suggest you get help for that drinking problem
So, how come we only have the problem when you or Beamish show up? Hunh?
Good morning, G*D bless and Maranatha!
tmw
it's the old dribble cup syndrome. happens to me whenever elbro and/or beamish show up. yup. that's why i wear only coffee and/or beer colored clothing. it helps on the dry cleaning bill.
I have driven many a women to drinking. Just never have done it through the internet. I must admit it's much easier and cheaper. Virtual lawyers don't ask for much.
I hope nancpop appreciates what I've done.
yeah, he wants your physical address.
Got a pen?
Canova Law Firm
70 N College Ave Ste 14
Fayetteville, AR 72701
Specialists.
neither a borrower, nor a lender be...
getchur own pen!
i work in springdale and hate driving a couple of miles to fayetteville - i'm working my way up to attaining a chauffeur - give me time!
it's for your hubby.
harumph!
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