Last Saturday, I worked a 16 1/2 hour day.
It was a nightmare, everything went wrong.
By the time I was done and started home, it was 1 AM. I was totally exhausted and it was raining.
I use a old State highway as a shortcut. It is a little traveled winding road with occasional farm houses every two or three miles.
As I topped a small rise, 5 or 6 medium sized pigs were running across the road. I hit my brakes and skidded to a stop but not before hitting one of the pigs.
I got out of the car to see if the pig was dead and check for damage. There wasn't any damage to the car but the pig was dead. I thought it would be best to tell the pigs owner what happened but there wasn't a house in sight so I got back in the car and left figuring that would be the end of it.
Imagine my surprise when I received a bill in the mail for a 60 lb pig!
Bill them back for letting their pigs run loose! Heck, I could understand it if you had taken the pig with you! Lordy, people are odd! But that was weird, how did they know it was you? If they were around, why didn't they try to get your attention? I'll tell you about my parents accident on the back roads of Texas in the late '40s sometime!
ReplyDeleteGood morning, G*D bless and Maranatha!
tmw
Prayer alert sent out.
So, did you "brand" the pig with your license plate?
ReplyDeleteprobably used his grill for a bacon press...
ReplyDeleteokay - o.t. - does anybody else just about fall out of their chairs when plucky says, "shut-up beak!" or "shut-up beamish" or "shut-up warren" or "shut-up farmer"? don't quite know what it is - just strikes me as hilarious!
ReplyDeletehey warren? if you'd have put a throw over it - you could've had "pig in a blanket"! bwaaaaaah - sorry, couldn't resist...
Warren,
ReplyDeleteIf you have to PAY for the pig, then you should be allowed the benefit of consuming the meat.
Another road-kill story....Several years ago, in the wee hours of the morning and with a torrent of rain coming down, my husband was returning from a coin show. Scattered all across the lanes of the interstate were the various body parts of a horse. My husband had no choice but to try to straddle the horse's head. The car--a Lincoln Town Car--rode a bit on the low side, and the trunk was packed full of heavy coins. A bit of damage to the undercarriage, but nothing that couldn't be fixed. The weird thing, however, was that we heard nothing on the news about a horse's carcass scattered all over the interstate.
i stopped my little escort wagon on the hind end of a big doe once - she limped off like a wounded doe - er...uh, the deer, not my car.
ReplyDeleteNanc,
ReplyDeleteHave you ever seen the Adam Sandler movie "The Waterboy?"
I always picture Ducky as Henry Winkler's character, stomping and hissing in high heels as he cries to momma on the phone.
Warren,
ReplyDeleteThat's just messed up.
I'd bill them for whatever car repairs I can't afford right now, plus the cost of the stamp and envelope to mail it, and the gas used to drive it to the post office.
Then, I'd sue them for harassment.
ReplyDeleteThen I'd recoup legal fees from them.
Then, and only then, would I sue them for animal cruelty.
After that, I'd sue their mom for having them.
Don't laugh, it's how I made my first billion.
there are such things as livestock laws - by golly, warren - i do believe you just may have bought the ranch! if those people are so insensitive as to allow their swine to run loose - you can sue them! don't forget the little people you met along the way :}
ReplyDeletebeamish - i see plucky as the nathan lane role in "the birdcage"!
ReplyDeleteplucky does cause me to desire to fall from my chair in a violent gag reflex. Then I want to throw a chair at his head, to see if sense can be knocked into it! And Nanc's right, the fact that those pigs were running loose could have caused severe damage to your vehicle and possible bodily harm! One dead pig was a small price to pay for letting them run free! At that time of night too!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you weren't hurt!
tmw
Sounds like a swine whine to me. I ?smell? a discrimination suit, deer have their own signzzzzz.
ReplyDelete::frankly i think they should have thrown the book at him:::
ReplyDeleteFunny story
:::smirk:::
of course you would side with the bacon, mickey!
ReplyDeleteTMW said:
ReplyDelete" But that was weird, how did they know it was you?"
You're going to hate me for this...
The pigs squealed on me!
Gotcha!
BWA ha ha ha ha, (I fell for it too), ha ha.
You know I owe you for this, Warren. LOL!
ReplyDeleteah-oh!
ReplyDeletep.s. tmw will probably slam a whammy on him - look out!
ReplyDeletedeveloping - beamish may need to go.
ReplyDeletenanc..........
ReplyDelete*trying knot 2 laugh
*muffled
hahahaha
I thot it wood B a clever time to use my pig hed alias...never min...
warren-lol
-benstupidsillysittindotcalm
Warrennnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't need that at 5:55am! Oh, Lordy, I can't laugh, my head hurts! (Sinuses, not alcohol!)
ReplyDeleteNo good morning for you!;p
tmw(owwwww, my head)
Hmm pigs.. pkig pkig pkig!!!!
ReplyDeleteShoulda had a pig whistle on your bumper. Lets the pigs know you're coming. It's kinda like a deer whistle, only fatter and pinker.
ReplyDeleteFJ- Just what Warren needs, for Christmas, A FAT PINK PLASTIC PIGGY BANK TO TIE ON THE FRONT OF HIS VEHICLE! Okay, Warren, you got me back for yanking your chain with the "fake" sorry! Now to go find a pink piggy, with a really curly tail! Oink, oink!
ReplyDeletetmw
P.S. Or a REALLY pink pig stuffed animal!
At least be thankful you're not in Iceland. Icelandic farmers will not only bill for the animal's death, but for subsequent future generations of it as well.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great story Warren, but the end sucks! You should be wallerin in side pork, chops and smoked bacon right now. JEEEZ.
ReplyDeleteHere's what I would have done. After running over Porky I would have thrown his broken ass in the trunk. It's not easy, but I've thrown pigs in my car before so I know it's doable. Don't ask :-) After driving him to a butcher I'd find out who to pay for a broken pig. The way I see it, someone else ended up with your rump roast!
Great story though. Sometime remind me to tell you about a similar episode I had in Puerto Rico.
Morgan
um, morgan? did you read all the comments?
ReplyDeleteTHE PIG SQUEALED ON WARREN!
No I don't usually do that nanc. In your honor I'll do just that.
ReplyDeleteSo how was your day?
Morgan
well, morgan - just when i think it cannot get any better - VOILA - i'm proven wrong!
ReplyDeletea funny think happened at work today - my husband came in starving from a morning at one of the jobsites, so i made him sit down while i fixed his lunch - leftover chicken parmesan, brown butter and garlic pasta with a green salad, chocolate cake and some ice water - as i fussed over him - teasingly he said, "you can go sit down now..." i was lmao until it came time to clean up - then i told our bosses (the owners of the company) to "please don't bother him while he does the dishes!" they about fell on the floor!
Sounds like a fun place to work.
ReplyDeleteMorgan
it's much more than that. thanks, morgan.
ReplyDeleteTMW, you mentioned throwing chairs. Are you following in the footsteps of Steve Ballmer? Heheh.
ReplyDeletewarren:
ReplyDeletei have some questions
1.) why didn't you take the pig
2.)how did they know it was you
3.) how did they find out all the information to send you a bill
RS- At least I don't use profanity! Or threaten to kill someone. And plucky is one of the few I feel like head pounding, his cluelessness sometimes drives me up the wall! I believe my 2 teens "got it" better, earlier and more often than plucky! I have a concrete block house, but I don't know if the walls could withstand plucky's determined blindness. "There are none so blind as those who WILL NOT see!"
ReplyDeleteDM2001-Didn't you read Warren's smart alecky answer? The pigs squealed on him! It's a joke! Now you need to be on the lookout for the biggest, fattest, pinkest pig for Warren, for Christmas!
Good morning, G*D bless and Maranatha!
tmw
A 60 lb. pig? How big was the bill?
ReplyDelete"The pigs squealed on me!"
ReplyDeleteDammit...I should have read all the comments first.
a.c. - pigs don't have bills - plucky has a bill - pigs have snouts!
ReplyDeletewarren got everybody good!
You know Warren is going to be insufferable for a while! He's laughing himself silly over how he snookered us! Probably falls out of his chair everytime he checks this post's comments!
ReplyDeleteWhat should we do to him? Any ideas? Inundate him with piggy pictures?
tmw
tmw:
ReplyDeletenope, i read the post and went straight to comment- i had some work to take care of and didn't have time to read the 30 comments. of course this means, i owe him one. payback is a bitch.
well drummaster - i'd meet you at beamish' to cinch up a plan, but i've been banned from crankfiles. it got pretty ugly.
ReplyDeleteI hate pigs, (but I love those smoked pork products!) There was this one that would act like it was ignoring you then when you weren't looking, it would try to sneak up behind and bite you.
ReplyDeleteKuhnkat, I've mucked out a pig pen or two so I know how big they get. I just picked a size that didn't sound like it would do too much damage.
I pulled that joke on a couple of guys at work today. Later in the afternoon, someone tried to pull it on me.
I let him go through the, "whole pork sausage", then asked him if the pigs squealed on him.
I was just "hamming" it up!
LOL
Doesn't, Mickey, have a beautiful smile.
ReplyDeleteI haven't seen a smile like that since grandad lost his store bought teeth in the pig pen.
;^)
i love that smile ;]
ReplyDeletegood night, warren.
Looks like them thar' pigs is getting a life of their own! I'm betting in Heaven we'll run into each other and the first thing we say is, " How's them thar' pigs?" sort of an inside joke! And the Lord will look upon us, and roll HIS eyes. 8-0 And we will roll on the floor!
ReplyDeleteGood morning, G*D bless and Maranatha!
tmw
You should've at least gotten to keep the pig since you're paying for it. They are mighty tasty.
ReplyDeleteBTW howin the world did they know it was you?
Cube- Go back and read through the comments! Warren is in the pig sty!
ReplyDeletetmw
this just gets better and better!
ReplyDeleteI must be taking too many pain pills. I just got this. I'm too ashamed to tell how many readings it took. LOL.
ReplyDeletethat's okay, aow - at least YOU have a good excuse - what about the rest of us?
ReplyDeleteNanc- How 'bout Warren typed it with a straight face?
ReplyDeleteAoW- Look at all the people Warren snookered! At least you aren't alone in the boat! I still say we should find piggy pictures to send him!
tmw
nanc:
ReplyDeleteyeah, about the banning on the crank files, did i miss something, because it didn't appear that i did?
see the next article down, drummaster. it's kind of a sitcom.
ReplyDeleteFarmer John said...
ReplyDeleteSo, did you "brand" the pig with your license plate?
The plates said, "I8URPG".
why kelly - that's probably how they traced it back to warren!
ReplyDeleteYea, go ahead and blame the victim!
ReplyDeleteAmazingly, the recipe for roast pig stuffed with wild rice is almost identical to the recipe for roast dog stuffed with wild rice!
I just need a bigger oven.
that and the fur...
ReplyDeleteI am sorry, but eating roast dog would be a bit "ruff".
ReplyDelete